Cynthia Elisabeth's Personal Blog♪✿

Selamat Hari Sumpah Pemuda yang ke 87! Masih jelas dalam ingatan saya saat pertama kali membacakan sumpah pemuda di depan kelas. Walau penontonnya cuma ibu guru dan teman-teman saya, tapi saya merasakan kesenangan sendiri karena mereka memberikan tepuk tangan buat saya.

Hari Sumpah Pemuda adalah hari dimana para orang muda membentuk sumpah yang menjadi salah satu pionir pergerakan kemerdekaan Indonesia. Jika dibandingkan sekarang, semangat para pejuang muda di jaman dulu sungguh sangatlah luar biasa.

Saya memang belum bisa memberikan kontribusi besar untuk negara ini. Saya sadar betul bahwa saya jauh dari kata sempurna. Lihatlah teman-teman saya yang menjadi bagian organisasi pejuang anak muda dan lain-lain. Ya, saya mungkin tidak berbakat berorganisasi. Tapi saya mempunyai tekad bahwa suatu hari nanti saya akan membawa nama Indonesia di tempat lain secara positif, dengan cara saya sendiri. Saya yakini dan mengamini hal itu.

Happy 87th Youth Pledge Day! I still clearly remember the first time I read the text of youth pledge in front of the class. Although the audience was just the teacher and my friends, but I had my own pleasure because they gave a big applause.

Youth Pledge Day itself is a day where young patriots formed the oath which became one of the pioneers of the Indonesian independence movement. Compared to now, the spirit of the young fighters in the past was really remarkable.

I know I can not give a huge contribution to this country fully, yet. I am aware that I am far from perfect. Compared to my friends who become part of the youth organizations, I have nothing. Yes, I might not be destined to be in youth organizations, but I have determined that one day I would bring Indonesia's name in my own way. I believe and embracing it every time.

Here is to young spirits! 

Last week, my class followed a quiz which was set by our lecturer to be like "Who-Wants-to-Be-a-Millionaire" show. So, every student would be going to sit in front, and given each one question. Unfortunately, I couldn't give the right answer. The worst of all, the lecturer gave me 3 times opportunity and I couldn't even answer any right thing.

I remembered I was like a cry-baby, couldn't face my friends. Couldn't breath. 

It was like a flashback. I forgot, maybe two or three years ago.

If you follow my blog (IDK whether you're secret/silent reader or so), I was so insecure with myself. Y'all know, I thought to myself that I was really ugly. Face full of acne, skeleton-like girl and messy hair. No boys would bother to get closer to me. I saw clearly by myself that they made fun of me. I hated myself. Hundred times I asked to God, "Lord, why did you give me appearance like this?"

There was one moment when a teacher called me to the front. I made a little mistake. All the boys in my class laughed at me like I was a clown. An ugly clown, to the exact I think.

From that moment, I promised to myself and (silently) to all boys that laughed at me and thought that I was an ugly duckling, that I will be prettier, much much prettier. I even thought that I would take a revenge by making them regret what they did. Don't know how. Just, I would!

As time goes by, I guess it heals all my wounds gradually. And I remember one verse in Bible.

"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you." - Matthew 6:14

I realized that I made a mistake too. I hated myself, when it's a precious soul and body given from The Lord, when I forgot that my parents love me, my brothers care for me. I learned to love myself, slowly, by changing my appearance. I took a great care with my skin. I straightened my hair, not because I hated my naturally curly hair, but to make it neater and looking good. I'm also doing some touch up with makeup for my eyes and lips, so that I can look better. 

Well, it's taking a long process and much cost. It's not instant. Even with almost 4 years treatments of acne, I still have to battle with acne scars, eventhough I have no more problems with acne. My weight increases just a little bit, not much changes, but all my friends and family say that I look much better now than before. Do I feel enough? Of course not. I still have some things to be accomplished.

Unhappy past knocks on your life sometimes, to come back and say "Hi, so how's it goin now?"

Then I would just answer "It's been very well. Now you are better off my life and get the f*ck out of here. Eh oh, by the way, thanks for the lesson you gave."

Yes, people. Forgiving bad past is a big battle in your life. You just need to endure it patiently. There will be times when you win that battle over, and face for a bright future.

Good night.