Recalling unhappy past. Time to forget about them all.
22:50Saturday nite is the right time to chat. No, I'm not baper. Don't call me like that, hahaha. I've spent a good day tho, went outside with my brother to many places nearby. It's just that something crossed my mind and I don't know who to tell.
Last week, my class followed a quiz which was set by our lecturer to be like "Who-Wants-to-Be-a-Millionaire" show. So, every student would be going to sit in front, and given each one question. Unfortunately, I couldn't give the right answer. The worst of all, the lecturer gave me 3 times opportunity and I couldn't even answer any right thing.
I remembered I was like a cry-baby, couldn't face my friends. Couldn't breath.
It was like a flashback. I forgot, maybe two or three years ago.
If you follow my blog (IDK whether you're secret/silent reader or so), I was so insecure with myself. Y'all know, I thought to myself that I was really ugly. Face full of acne, skeleton-like girl and messy hair. No boys would bother to get closer to me. I saw clearly by myself that they made fun of me. I hated myself. Hundred times I asked to God, "Lord, why did you give me appearance like this?"
There was one moment when a teacher called me to the front. I made a little mistake. All the boys in my class laughed at me like I was a clown. An ugly clown, to the exact I think.
From that moment, I promised to myself and (silently) to all boys that laughed at me and thought that I was an ugly duckling, that I will be prettier, much much prettier. I even thought that I would take a revenge by making them regret what they did. Don't know how. Just, I would!
As time goes by, I guess it heals all my wounds gradually. And I remember one verse in Bible.
"For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you." - Matthew 6:14
I realized that I made a mistake too. I hated myself, when it's a precious soul and body given from The Lord, when I forgot that my parents love me, my brothers care for me. I learned to love myself, slowly, by changing my appearance. I took a great care with my skin. I straightened my hair, not because I hated my naturally curly hair, but to make it neater and looking good. I'm also doing some touch up with makeup for my eyes and lips, so that I can look better.
Well, it's taking a long process and much cost. It's not instant. Even with almost 4 years treatments of acne, I still have to battle with acne scars, eventhough I have no more problems with acne. My weight increases just a little bit, not much changes, but all my friends and family say that I look much better now than before. Do I feel enough? Of course not. I still have some things to be accomplished.
Unhappy past knocks on your life sometimes, to come back and say "Hi, so how's it goin now?"
Then I would just answer "It's been very well. Now you are better off my life and get the f*ck out of here. Eh oh, by the way, thanks for the lesson you gave."
Yes, people. Forgiving bad past is a big battle in your life. You just need to endure it patiently. There will be times when you win that battle over, and face for a bright future.
Good night.
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